Sunday June 26 2022
I feel the need to write about how I feel. I have a wide range of feelings today. Loneliness. Fear. Panic. Sadness. Fatigue. Nausea. Sadness. and probably Depression. All in the same day. OMG I wish Ted was here to be with me to face all of this. I miss him so much. I didn't know it would be this hard. I didn't know it would be this painful. I am back in Modesto. Almost everyday I think how the fuck did this happen. I have congestive heart failure and I had to come back to Stanford so they could save my life. I couldn't stay in Oregon. I am lost at sea. I have no compass. I have no anchor. I have a little dog who worries about me all the time. I have two cats who are confused by my unhappiness. None of us play. We all just exist. I tell myself and others counsel me to count my blessings and I have so many. But..... I am alone, the world is in crisis, there is war, famine, floods, fires and greed and crue...