Monday May 18, 2020
I am thinking about hygiene and habit. It is the middle of the 2020 covid 19 pandemic. I might die from this virus. I am 78 with a heart condition. Nevertheless, I bathe every morning, shampoo my hair, and put on fresh clean clothes. I will probably not see anyone today. My day always starts with my grooming, laundry, making my bed, straightening the house, garbage, feeding the cats and usually some sweeping and mopping. Then Breakfast. I eat well. I have an abundance of fresh, frozen and packaged food in my home. I have friends I see occasionally. Shellie brings me groceries every Wednesday. Terrell the gardener comes every Friday, John my handyman comes every now and then, Chris my neighbor comes over some afternoons and we sit on the deck and chat, Chris my UPS guy comes here now and then. I text, I email, I post on Facebook, I post on Twitter. I talk on the phone a lot. I go to "town" once a week. I take my garbage down for pickup then go the post office and check for mail then take a drive to look at the ocean. Then Hanako and I go to Siletz bay and take a nice long walk and enjoy the bay and the ocean. It sounds like a full life so what is missing. Ted is missing, every day, all the time. I am always lonely for Ted. I think about how it would be if he was here. I know we would laugh a lot and play games and read and eat really good food and make love. I miss Ted, a lot. And we would be touching and hugging and snuggling a lot. I miss touching and smelling him. He smelled like honey. So, what else to I miss. I miss Visiting my family and friends in Modesto. I miss being with Anthony. I miss my LC friends. I miss dinner out with my LC friends. I miss going to my friends homes for drinks and dinner and companionship and the occasional hug. I miss having parties here. I miss have overnight guests. I miss waking up in the morning and remembering I have someone special downstairs who I get to have coffee with. I miss music, theater, sports events, traveling, exploring. I miss the planning of my life, picking and chosing those things that fill up a life.
How am I doing? I don't know.
Some days I wonder if this is really happening and I think I heard someone say they want to wake up and have Obama as president and the virus contained and nobody dead from the virus.
I think I am numb. I think I am decaying mentally and physically.
I know I have it so much better than the majority of the people in the world. That is reality but it is not comforting. It is so very sad. I wish the major of the world had it better than this.
Too much suffering, too much pain, too much starving, too many children not feeling safe and cared for. Too many women not feeling safe and cared for. Too many men horrified that they can't provide for their families.
Too many cruel greedy mostly white men who care nothing for the safety and well being of the masses. We really are animals. We are trump.
I am thinking about hygiene and habit. It is the middle of the 2020 covid 19 pandemic. I might die from this virus. I am 78 with a heart condition. Nevertheless, I bathe every morning, shampoo my hair, and put on fresh clean clothes. I will probably not see anyone today. My day always starts with my grooming, laundry, making my bed, straightening the house, garbage, feeding the cats and usually some sweeping and mopping. Then Breakfast. I eat well. I have an abundance of fresh, frozen and packaged food in my home. I have friends I see occasionally. Shellie brings me groceries every Wednesday. Terrell the gardener comes every Friday, John my handyman comes every now and then, Chris my neighbor comes over some afternoons and we sit on the deck and chat, Chris my UPS guy comes here now and then. I text, I email, I post on Facebook, I post on Twitter. I talk on the phone a lot. I go to "town" once a week. I take my garbage down for pickup then go the post office and check for mail then take a drive to look at the ocean. Then Hanako and I go to Siletz bay and take a nice long walk and enjoy the bay and the ocean. It sounds like a full life so what is missing. Ted is missing, every day, all the time. I am always lonely for Ted. I think about how it would be if he was here. I know we would laugh a lot and play games and read and eat really good food and make love. I miss Ted, a lot. And we would be touching and hugging and snuggling a lot. I miss touching and smelling him. He smelled like honey. So, what else to I miss. I miss Visiting my family and friends in Modesto. I miss being with Anthony. I miss my LC friends. I miss dinner out with my LC friends. I miss going to my friends homes for drinks and dinner and companionship and the occasional hug. I miss having parties here. I miss have overnight guests. I miss waking up in the morning and remembering I have someone special downstairs who I get to have coffee with. I miss music, theater, sports events, traveling, exploring. I miss the planning of my life, picking and chosing those things that fill up a life.
How am I doing? I don't know.
Some days I wonder if this is really happening and I think I heard someone say they want to wake up and have Obama as president and the virus contained and nobody dead from the virus.
I think I am numb. I think I am decaying mentally and physically.
I know I have it so much better than the majority of the people in the world. That is reality but it is not comforting. It is so very sad. I wish the major of the world had it better than this.
Too much suffering, too much pain, too much starving, too many children not feeling safe and cared for. Too many women not feeling safe and cared for. Too many men horrified that they can't provide for their families.
Too many cruel greedy mostly white men who care nothing for the safety and well being of the masses. We really are animals. We are trump.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete